The good, the bad and the ugly...

I don't know exactly when it happened. But, somehow, somewhere along the road in my fatigue, or in my aging, I stopped giving thanks for the battle.  It's easy to give thanks for a thousand amazing, wonderful, beautiful gifts or for a million of them for that matter but, the handful of the really ugly ones... how do we give thanks for those?  You know, the ones we wish we could exchange, the ones that cause us and our children pain, the ones that don't come in pretty packages the way we expect them.

This, I am learning, is what lies at the root of my quest. I have been wondering why things are so different for me now than when the big kids were little.  Why it seems that things were so much simpler and more peaceful for me back in the beginning.  I have been struggling to find the answer to this for quite a while now and He just sent it to me in the form of this book.  A very simple but, powerful lesson...  The miracles are always preceded by a giving of thanks.  wow.  Could it really be that simple?  Ann Voskamp has taught me this incredible lesson in Eucharisteo.   Maybe I knew this...  maybe I have read it and heard it before, but, somehow, now it has become illuminated...a new revelation.

Now, I think I actually, finally, "get it"!  The difference between then and now is that when the big kids were little, I was always so thankful for EVERYTHING, even the bad stuff. Even the trials (I was actually happy to be in them. Imagine that! :).  I was happy because every time we were tested, I saw Him answer our prayers all the time and always so swiftly.  But, now because the answers aren't coming so quickly and the relief seems to never come...sometimes the days seem longer and harder and the exhaustion and fatigue of the battle and the reality of knowing that sometimes He doesn't heal or answer the way we expect is causing my thanks for the "bad" gifts to be delayed or not even given at all.

I needed this refresher course.  I needed to be reminded that He really does use ALL things for good...even the ugly things.  Especially the ugly ones.  The ones that painfully stretch & grow us.  Now, if I could just learn HOW to give thanks when I see my children suffering, THAT would certainly have to be a gift. The gift of an acquired skill, perhaps.  Because I definitely cannot do this one on my own.

All things New... Again

He makes all things new again, even me (and you).  No matter how hard we try to run and hide or how high we build our walls, He is still faithful to find us.  Always sending us exactly what we need just when we need it.   Not only is His timing perfect but, His provision is as well.

My help (and hope) came this time in the shape of a link to an article (He sent me) which led me to a book (http://www.amazon.com/One-Thousand-Gifts-Fully-ebook/dp/B003U2TWQ8)   which is leading me towards finding an answer to questions that have been perplexing me and perhaps, even prohibiting me from hearing His answer(s).

I am only half-way into this book but, what I am gleaning from it is huge.  Simple, yet profound Truth; inspiring, motivating, encouraging, life-giving water in my time of drought.

Coming to terms with my failures and short-comings (yes, I do have them :) and quite a few at that!) and realizing and admitting my ingratitude is helping me see where I have faltered & how I have hindered my own growth.  I didn't know that this was/is a stumbling block for me.

You see, I had always thought I was the thankful kind.  I have always given thanks to God for all He has done for me.  For saving, restoring and blessing me beyond words.  I give thanks in the small everyday blessings, too. Yes, even dirty dishes and tons of laundry and even just the other day, I thanked Him (once again) for my husband who works so hard for us so, I can stay home with the kids and for being able to go home to a house with heat and food.  So, being one to usually give thanks and praise when and to Whom it is due, I didn't realize that it is herein that my problem may lie.  

Until now...