My Story in Just Six Words...

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Win or lose, I'm still His.


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My Story in Just Six Words for:   http://www.shereads.org/2011/04/she-speaks-scholarship-contest/#comments

Join me at the She Speaks Conference:   http://shespeaksconference.com/

On Second Chances & Heart Stuff

I don't know why I am always amazed by how God works.  He never ceases to amaze me and yet I am always surprised. Today, He amazed me with another opportunity... one I let slip by the other day when I didn't feel quite "good enough".  The deadline for something special had come and gone like my not-so-secret stash of chocolate and I hadn't submitted what I am now realizing I should have sent.  


I had written four different outlines for stories to submit to enter a writing contest and in the end I choked.  Compelled to write yet, feeling inadequate, I just couldn't hit send.  And now, once again I am excited by the thought of what the future may hold after reading about a second chance... a new opportunity to make good on what I felt I had lost out on.


Only, once again, I try to talk myself out of it.  I started reading some of the other entries. Bad move. This time the usual feelings of not being "good enough" are only re-inforced by seeing the eloquence and skill of the other more seasoned literary artisans.


Even as I try to talk myself out of it, I am still compelled to share what was from "my heart"... it's those words that spoke to me when reading about the new writing scholarship opportunity ..."to serve what God is birthing in your heart."  I knew when I read that line that this was God's way of handing me a second chance, to step out and trust that He would make me "good enough"... So, on that note, I present to you, outline #4...

  The deadline is looming.  Will I ever get it done in time?  Will it be everything it needs to be to gain favor and win the coveted prize?  Will it be good enough? 

Will I be "good enough"?

I’ve been so excited about this opportunity ever since reading about it a week ago.  The mere thought of it gives me such joy! I have even shared the information with friends so they could enter, too. Even if it means losing to someone else I know, I am still full of joy knowing what a blessing it would be for them to win, instead.

Everyday, I imagine my story.  I have typed up 3 outlines (this being my fourth) and not finished any of them thinking, they just won’t do.  “Who will want to read this?  Who will this help?  How will this make a difference in someone’s life?” I think to myself.

“Just stay focused, stay under the word count, and just follow the format of the other articles and you are sure to have the winner.” I tell myself.  But, I don’t want to win on following format alone. 

I need content. 

Rich content. 

A story worthy of The King Who is writing my story.

“But, what do writers writer about?” I think to myself “I don’t know,  I am new to this, remember?” ... "Should I write about children with mental disorders & special needs, or overcoming addiction & battling anxiety, or about finding the purpose in our pain or maybe even about the lessons my father taught me about life and my children taught me about our Heavenly Father without ever saying a word?"  ...I’ve certainly accumulated plenty of material in all of those categories over the years and I have seen God's hand deliver me, His strength sustain me and His heart love me through all of them.

Having too many choices coupled with being really indecisive, I pray about it and ask the Lord what I should write about.  And He says “Write from your heart.”

    

Well, in my heart, I know I was born to create for Him…especially with words, only, not verbally.  I am definitely not gifted in the “speaking in front of people” area.  Not yet, anyhow. I stumble over every word.  

While praying about being verbally challenged years ago, I heard Him answer and say “I didn’t give you the gift of speaking because I want you to write.” Wow. “Really? Me?  Are you sure?” I thought then. "I can never finish a thought, let alone compile and organize an entire written piece."

And now, still trying to talk myself out of it, I think...  "I am not formally trained.  I have no degree.  What can I share that hasn't already been said or done before?"..."And what on earth am I going to do if I actually win???"

So, here I am typing away still not knowing where I am going with this writing thing… only knowing this one thing for sure about it… God's great Mercy, Grace & Love astound me so that it compels my heart to write for and about Him and I am trusting that He who has put that desire in my heart (and a second chance in my path) will also equip me to actually bring it to life.  

...so here goes...I'm holding my breath, closing my eyes, baring my heart & leaping off the edge... 

...clicking "send" now...really... I am...

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The "She Speaks" Conference is about women connecting the hearts of women to the heart of our Father God and it is in my heart a desire to serve Him and His daughters, as He leads me. Would you like the opportunity to win a scholarship to attend this conference?  click here for details:   http://www.aholyexperience.com/2011/03/how-christians-create-art-she-speaks-scholarship/  and visit:  http://shespeaksconference.com/ for more information on being a part of this incredibly encouraging community. 

Just so you know Who sent it...

I just read a post and HAD to share it because it makes me get all excited when I hear of the Amazing ways God speaks to us.  His very specificity in what we receive and just how we receive it lets us know (in case there is ever a doubt) Who the real Giver is...

Here's part of the post (from an author who was up late for many nights trying to finish her book in time)...

Then there was that late night near the end, with just a bit more than a month before deadline, and I hung over the keyboard, afraid and bone tired and wild to give up, and I saw headlights stop out at the mailbox after midnight and a shadow get out and I stiffened. My heart folded in on itself, sucked in invisible, and didn’t move, until the silhouette opened the car door and the vehicle drove away. In the morning, the Farmer brought in what was in the mailbox. A note taped to a bag, blue ballpoint ink on a scrap of paper:

“The angel of the LORD came… and said, “Get up and eat… So he got up and ate and drank.Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights…” 1 Kings 19:8

Inside the bag? Angel food cake.

I had exactly forty days left to write.

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Be encouraged! He truly sees every (big or little) trial we go through and hears every prayer (even before we say it) and sends little gifts along the way to remind and sustain us.   :)

"Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear."  Isaiah 65:24

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To read more of the post and about the author and her book, please visit:  

http://www.incourage.me/2011/03/when-you-really-want-to-really-live.html

The good, the bad and the ugly...

I don't know exactly when it happened. But, somehow, somewhere along the road in my fatigue, or in my aging, I stopped giving thanks for the battle.  It's easy to give thanks for a thousand amazing, wonderful, beautiful gifts or for a million of them for that matter but, the handful of the really ugly ones... how do we give thanks for those?  You know, the ones we wish we could exchange, the ones that cause us and our children pain, the ones that don't come in pretty packages the way we expect them.

This, I am learning, is what lies at the root of my quest. I have been wondering why things are so different for me now than when the big kids were little.  Why it seems that things were so much simpler and more peaceful for me back in the beginning.  I have been struggling to find the answer to this for quite a while now and He just sent it to me in the form of this book.  A very simple but, powerful lesson...  The miracles are always preceded by a giving of thanks.  wow.  Could it really be that simple?  Ann Voskamp has taught me this incredible lesson in Eucharisteo.   Maybe I knew this...  maybe I have read it and heard it before, but, somehow, now it has become illuminated...a new revelation.

Now, I think I actually, finally, "get it"!  The difference between then and now is that when the big kids were little, I was always so thankful for EVERYTHING, even the bad stuff. Even the trials (I was actually happy to be in them. Imagine that! :).  I was happy because every time we were tested, I saw Him answer our prayers all the time and always so swiftly.  But, now because the answers aren't coming so quickly and the relief seems to never come...sometimes the days seem longer and harder and the exhaustion and fatigue of the battle and the reality of knowing that sometimes He doesn't heal or answer the way we expect is causing my thanks for the "bad" gifts to be delayed or not even given at all.

I needed this refresher course.  I needed to be reminded that He really does use ALL things for good...even the ugly things.  Especially the ugly ones.  The ones that painfully stretch & grow us.  Now, if I could just learn HOW to give thanks when I see my children suffering, THAT would certainly have to be a gift. The gift of an acquired skill, perhaps.  Because I definitely cannot do this one on my own.

All things New... Again

He makes all things new again, even me (and you).  No matter how hard we try to run and hide or how high we build our walls, He is still faithful to find us.  Always sending us exactly what we need just when we need it.   Not only is His timing perfect but, His provision is as well.

My help (and hope) came this time in the shape of a link to an article (He sent me) which led me to a book (http://www.amazon.com/One-Thousand-Gifts-Fully-ebook/dp/B003U2TWQ8)   which is leading me towards finding an answer to questions that have been perplexing me and perhaps, even prohibiting me from hearing His answer(s).

I am only half-way into this book but, what I am gleaning from it is huge.  Simple, yet profound Truth; inspiring, motivating, encouraging, life-giving water in my time of drought.

Coming to terms with my failures and short-comings (yes, I do have them :) and quite a few at that!) and realizing and admitting my ingratitude is helping me see where I have faltered & how I have hindered my own growth.  I didn't know that this was/is a stumbling block for me.

You see, I had always thought I was the thankful kind.  I have always given thanks to God for all He has done for me.  For saving, restoring and blessing me beyond words.  I give thanks in the small everyday blessings, too. Yes, even dirty dishes and tons of laundry and even just the other day, I thanked Him (once again) for my husband who works so hard for us so, I can stay home with the kids and for being able to go home to a house with heat and food.  So, being one to usually give thanks and praise when and to Whom it is due, I didn't realize that it is herein that my problem may lie.  

Until now...