On Second Chances & Heart Stuff

I don't know why I am always amazed by how God works.  He never ceases to amaze me and yet I am always surprised. Today, He amazed me with another opportunity... one I let slip by the other day when I didn't feel quite "good enough".  The deadline for something special had come and gone like my not-so-secret stash of chocolate and I hadn't submitted what I am now realizing I should have sent.  


I had written four different outlines for stories to submit to enter a writing contest and in the end I choked.  Compelled to write yet, feeling inadequate, I just couldn't hit send.  And now, once again I am excited by the thought of what the future may hold after reading about a second chance... a new opportunity to make good on what I felt I had lost out on.


Only, once again, I try to talk myself out of it.  I started reading some of the other entries. Bad move. This time the usual feelings of not being "good enough" are only re-inforced by seeing the eloquence and skill of the other more seasoned literary artisans.


Even as I try to talk myself out of it, I am still compelled to share what was from "my heart"... it's those words that spoke to me when reading about the new writing scholarship opportunity ..."to serve what God is birthing in your heart."  I knew when I read that line that this was God's way of handing me a second chance, to step out and trust that He would make me "good enough"... So, on that note, I present to you, outline #4...

  The deadline is looming.  Will I ever get it done in time?  Will it be everything it needs to be to gain favor and win the coveted prize?  Will it be good enough? 

Will I be "good enough"?

I’ve been so excited about this opportunity ever since reading about it a week ago.  The mere thought of it gives me such joy! I have even shared the information with friends so they could enter, too. Even if it means losing to someone else I know, I am still full of joy knowing what a blessing it would be for them to win, instead.

Everyday, I imagine my story.  I have typed up 3 outlines (this being my fourth) and not finished any of them thinking, they just won’t do.  “Who will want to read this?  Who will this help?  How will this make a difference in someone’s life?” I think to myself.

“Just stay focused, stay under the word count, and just follow the format of the other articles and you are sure to have the winner.” I tell myself.  But, I don’t want to win on following format alone. 

I need content. 

Rich content. 

A story worthy of The King Who is writing my story.

“But, what do writers writer about?” I think to myself “I don’t know,  I am new to this, remember?” ... "Should I write about children with mental disorders & special needs, or overcoming addiction & battling anxiety, or about finding the purpose in our pain or maybe even about the lessons my father taught me about life and my children taught me about our Heavenly Father without ever saying a word?"  ...I’ve certainly accumulated plenty of material in all of those categories over the years and I have seen God's hand deliver me, His strength sustain me and His heart love me through all of them.

Having too many choices coupled with being really indecisive, I pray about it and ask the Lord what I should write about.  And He says “Write from your heart.”

    

Well, in my heart, I know I was born to create for Him…especially with words, only, not verbally.  I am definitely not gifted in the “speaking in front of people” area.  Not yet, anyhow. I stumble over every word.  

While praying about being verbally challenged years ago, I heard Him answer and say “I didn’t give you the gift of speaking because I want you to write.” Wow. “Really? Me?  Are you sure?” I thought then. "I can never finish a thought, let alone compile and organize an entire written piece."

And now, still trying to talk myself out of it, I think...  "I am not formally trained.  I have no degree.  What can I share that hasn't already been said or done before?"..."And what on earth am I going to do if I actually win???"

So, here I am typing away still not knowing where I am going with this writing thing… only knowing this one thing for sure about it… God's great Mercy, Grace & Love astound me so that it compels my heart to write for and about Him and I am trusting that He who has put that desire in my heart (and a second chance in my path) will also equip me to actually bring it to life.  

...so here goes...I'm holding my breath, closing my eyes, baring my heart & leaping off the edge... 

...clicking "send" now...really... I am...

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The "She Speaks" Conference is about women connecting the hearts of women to the heart of our Father God and it is in my heart a desire to serve Him and His daughters, as He leads me. Would you like the opportunity to win a scholarship to attend this conference?  click here for details:   http://www.aholyexperience.com/2011/03/how-christians-create-art-she-speaks-scholarship/  and visit:  http://shespeaksconference.com/ for more information on being a part of this incredibly encouraging community.